Capitulo Final

As from today, i m an individualistic parasite.
a zealot from the deepest corners of an empty space,
surviving it's own demise,
rescued by the integrity of its history and flaws,
the reflection of it's condition,
a watered emancipation of brutality and despotism
a fraudulent misconception of real pain and passion.

just another lost thought in the imperatives of liars and seduction,
how can i become a person, instead of a memory?

but then again,
i see you smiling and something wakes me up, just for that instant,
that smile is magic, therefore you are.

some kind of drug has made me hallucinate again,
oh me.

save me.

or i could die saving you.
the premonition of how the sacrifices are made.

Occupy !

How many things change,
from being occupying sweatstock, well, having a mini camp there since the previous night, to having a friend from being sane, to becoming a rock, really affected me.
kids, any trauma, please, check it, it can become bigger and bigger.

So it has really changed, since yesterday, as i am a kind of a goon, a security for those with mental problem, a lazy socialist, a decadent libertarian, a nonchalant wizard and a machine, if you need someone to protect your ideas or stuffs, as i am the man-dog of the street, the brave one, alone almost all the time, with some thoughts like satellites or comets to entertain me.

So churchills, I wont ever go to that place again, since i found that the security guy there punched my friend in the head and it ricocheted to a pool table, sending him to the hospital for 5 days. Finding that out, the worst of me appeared, and it is to late to forget about it, as i am the material personification of anonymous, not the electronic, the personal one, the one you see in the streets and fear if you have done something that stupid, because i know him, he is in cases very happy or crazy, but he would never hit anyone, so hitting him in the head and sending him to the hospital is an delayed call for war my friend, and i don't like you.

so it has changed, that pub i don't like.
musically, well, my lost, but war is on.
ideological war, as im no going back there nor support that shit,
personal, well, a lawyer may be a good idea.

a side note:

-there are provocateurs everywhere, people with mental problems are the ones who also contribute to it. The police, i don't mind them, im doing my part for them, i am maybe being a problem, but i am not violent and my presence is to help those in need, so if i see some group going against a person, anyone, i am gonna defend that person. unless that person is really an evil one, that case, let them take him/her, that's police work to do, not mine.

im also tired, i need a job, and stability.
i hate writing, yet i write.
i need a partner, even thought i can talk to anyone i cant really start a conversation. and continue it.
i feel that i suck almost all the time, except when im occupying, and thats why i do it.

Pensamiento 48

I might be wrong in so many angles or not, but this a continuation of my nano story about what I think about a small region in the wold, what their people mean and it's politics. From my perception I had as a teenager to today political activism and in/maturity*

and this story is naive, as everything I can know.

and it begins in the land where Jesus Christ was born, so, not that far from what my culture is, since Catholicism went to the Americas and shaped it as it wanted.

Well, First, it starts with a great emphatic feeling of solidarity among Jews, and how much have they suffered through the centuries of persecutions and genocides.

History needs to be told by any means necesary and it was that the case.

Then, living more, and understanding more, I found how many other religions and people have been also persecuted, and executed by the popular culture around them. How many other people were killed by their believes and skin colors. How The First Nation Tribes and their system had been massacred and deprived from their nucleus into sporadic, anthropological researches, and that my friends, it is the horrible side of history, that side it constantly keep changing it's facade, but still does something similar. As experiencing more and more, I found Palestine, and that case kind of changed me a bit about nations and how they deal with their counterpart, their other people. even being around them, round them is just very delicate, and I may think also stressful, being an Israelite living in peace in their capital, or being an Israelite in fear, living in the occupied lands, and worst, being a Palestinian, with no nation, like other hundred of other nations that were devoured by life.

So, I wander, why target the Israel complex and not others, or it is that everything is being targeted, and if that's the case, then, continue, but if it's only a fixed motive, then, it makes that kind of nation be what it is, a very exclusive one.

and then, finding for answers, digging more and more, I conclude that, even thou the Israelite have been abused and murdered they can not justify pressing their lands into another territory, same as any other issue around any kind of city, and that's why we have lawyers, if they are good, they can settle for better disputes, if not, like some terrorist thinking some people get, by the same consequences of war, then, more problems would happen.

So, in my sense, whenever i protest against the Israelite occupying industry, and whenever I protest in favor of Palestine, or whatever I protest against neo-liberalism or any kind of abuse, even if it's against Israel or it's people, I am gonna write or think about it and defend them.

Because being an activist is not being fixed to anything, is just use our thinking and have a common sense, greater than the majority, a common sense so earth being, that its attraction is not the well being of an idea, but the well being of the people around that idea, and it has to be an open idea, and inclusive one, where people work for a better more participate place.

where organizations are part of a big federations of brave and peaceful people.

Pensamiento 47

De que se trata esto de la politica popular, y quien es quien es gana y quien pierde,
y quienes son los factores alrededor que se llenan cuando la gente vacia sus esperanzas al ganador, y su depresion, visto desde punto economico, clasista o hasta sincronico sin motor,
pues quien maneja vuestro curso cuando le das el voto a alguien que hace lo que no puedes, pues tu trabajas, y este trabaja para que le des el poder y pueda con su gente hacer lo pensado mientras trabajas en lo mismo, o no, si te ayudo este quien diste vuestro voto, o lo contrario, pues dependias de su victoria para tener algo que no tuviste puesto que la vida es asi, y la politica divide, tanto por la ya dividida sociedad, como por su reflejo, esto que proteje tal division y lo quiere como esta, asi los que estan, seguiran estando, y los que no, bueno, pa la proxima, o nunca, si se cree en los demas en vez de uno mismo y del movimiento que llenas cada vez que vas a votar y ver las calles, la gente y sus aptitudes con otros,
sean negativos porque nos les gusta su color de cabello, como positivos porque les gusta lo grande de su arma. pues como cualquiera, los imbeciles somos parte del todo, como aquellos que adoran la luz eterna donde no existe sino oscuridad, por que entonces impedirles su luz, cuando la nuestra es la misma, sino el reflejo que nos da la apariencia de lo que no es...

asi que incomodamente apuesto algo que hago para darle cabida a mi pensamiento critico, no como ser existencial en un punto astral que viaja al igual que yo a lo desconocido entre lo conocido, lo estudiado, ya que de un momento a otro, aparece el caos y nada se sabe sino lo que se puede al momento. Por lo mismo como momento actual en el que vivo, a un lado de los que luchan por la justicia, por los que no tienen nada, no porque lo quieren asi, sino porque no tienen las herramientas para tenerlo y se les dificulta tenerlas, incluso si trabajan mas que cualquiera, todavia no las tienen.

por ellos o ellas estare a su lado, ahora que pueda apoyar al opuesto, lo haria por puro experimento politico, y parte del como aprender de su percepcion para convertirme en lo que son y ver quienes son y como ven la vida, ya que la vida no solo es vuestra, sino del mundo que os rodea.

ahora, dada la localizacion actual, y donde paresco razonar, seria una buena noticia ver que en Miami las cosas han cambiado, y regreso un poco a los barrios de por aqui, de como la cultura es clasista como en cualquier lado, racista en ciertos puntos y vaciladora como pendejos sin razon para saber que no, el apoyo es pura distorcion del momento que genera en mi temor, ya que puede ser manipulada para darle fuerza a otro mas del monton, a otro mas de esos titeres que hacen lo que los de arriba le digan, y estos de arriba siempre seran los mismo que en la historia han existido pues su condicion es la misma y su metodo tambien.

ahora sabiendo esto, votarian por un pendejo como este, o no les importaria nada y se dejarian manipular por esa fabrica de ilusiones?

Pensamiento 37

Looking at a map from Pakistan, and looking at some pictures from a Christian Foundation, calling everyone to their world, a world were their main religion is other, neglected by their government, most of their people, if not, those who have also betrayed their religion, alone, in between wars and ideological wars, impoverished by their location, in pain. Their world is lost, hunted by criminals, so called crusaders in their own land, terrorist and slavery, class division and collateral war effects, it gives me the perception we, those who spend more of their life wondering the universe, would have to trust some of their funding, in order to give them at least a hundred dollars a month, and family by family, member by member, we could help those in the other world, become our friends and have a bigger, better family of foundations and members...

But then, regardless the logic, one must first see them in their governmental list of foundations.

Pensamiento 46

This is something my mind has been thinking lately, and yet have not found the way to forget it. Why? because it is how my behavior has been shortening my experience, an experience that could have been better, always better. And yes, I feel apologetic about almost all the wrong doings I have done to other people, people who have given me an opportunity, people who have opened their hearts and minds, to later realize the pain I am, a pain that has only been there since the day I was born, a mixture of things, a mixture of conditions that generate my negative behaviors, which are my extreme shyness and sadness about almost everything, creating in the process regret and assholeness, to later be who I am, a pessimistic person with lots of anger, a person with no bridges to burn anymore, as I immediately burn them as they appear, kind of like a noisy bird who is constantly harassing other birds.

Well, what made me think about this and that is my memories and those left behind, those friends I still care, and will always care, even thou I could express the opposite, you see, the angry bird there, I still seen them with high regards, as they were there, in that moment of time, with me, being...

So this is like a nano-autobiography about my friends from Venezuela, Maracaibo, Miami and Melbourne.

In Maracaibo, I used to be kind of like an artist, a randomly street artist with no real future, but a real atmosphere, as I loved every inch of the people who lived around me and were part of my world, even thou drama was a constant environment in which I revolted, I loved them all, even if I hated them for mistakes done, as I also did them, I went back and tried to ease the pain, transforming it into art, street art. Philosophical tool for those who think and transverse into atoms of scenarios and solutions, feelings and deception, a regular teenage lizard peasant.

So I miss my friends over there, friends that are now living their foundations, whatever they created, they now have their expectation built as they have worked for them, but that's also part of my frustration in a way, as living with them, seeing them grow, have their life mature, I indirectly and subjectively feel envy in some cases, a natural envy but mixed with that kind of pain and shyness provokes in my a turmoil of negativism, kind of like more pessimism than ever, but I forget and I continue.

In this chapter of my life I always gonna have my friends in another level: David, Topo, Harry, Guille, Sondra, Flor, Ana, Elizabeth, Ileana, Nelson, PIpo, el Pits, Alan, Michele, Maria C...not many as I were and still am shy and obsessed. That obsession is the capital of my deception as it give me no intention to ever conquer it, but I did, and I lived for once when I was in Maracaibo back there in 2002-2003.

That 2003 when I came back to the states, where I studied college, graduated and then connected with my friend Mario and Ileana, two strange and yet beautiful friends, and since we were from the same place we shared more time than we should have shared, building kind of like the core of Miami still is for me, a wasteland of opportunities, but I think, not, therefore I dont exist.

those 10 years, working, fixing and remembering what I was, becoming something else, I ventured into a more psychopathic state of loneliness and shyness. a rebellion waiting to burst.

Then I started a degree in Computer Science, something I could have finished if I weren't that negative, but not, I got super depress, of course, not having friends nor a girlfriend hurt me the most. Of course I burned bridges, due to me being also very selfish, with shyness, dementia and negativism.

so I moved to Australia, the golden country of thef and nationality, plus a twist of everything in between, were I was in the center of a movement, the occupy Melbourne one, that, that changed my life.

In there I met with the greatest people I have ever gonna met, or have yet to meet.

Nicky, and she is a special case, as I treated her so good and then so bad, that I will never gonna forget about her, and what I told her, and in a sense that's why i understand feminist.

and this is my story with her: I met her in the occupy movement, she was shinning all over the place, with her pale expression of also pain, intelligence and beauty I had the strength to talk to her, and we kind of talked, since I am not the talkative person others are, at least we kind of understood each others for the moment I was good.

that changed of course, it changed because I was gathering lots of self-steam, that thing one could name it courage or bravery, and that distorted my relationship with her, thinking that I could conquer my true love, and changing my lifestyle for once, into a more political and personal way. I thought, hey, if I have all this confidence I could use it to gain political power and go back to Venezuela and helped lots of people with my organizational skills and writings, so yes, I can do that, and if I can do that I can talk to Beth, and maybe hang out with her, but I can't do that if I am in a relationship with Nicky, so that's how my mind works, so that day, that day i sat in church to think about my future, i realized I could that all that and be ok with everything, but when I told Nicky what was on my mind, like always, and thats something I have to fix, i felt something greater for her, something different, and I could not go back in time to change it, so that same day I changed, kind of like if my heart got divided, and that division created more pain than ever, I then lost all my courage and became a slug, a puppet of my wrong decision.

So Nicky, I am sorry for what I caused you, my behavior was the worst thing I have done in my life and in my defense, it was because I felt so much pressure within myself not to be the asshole I am. but I try not to be.

between that the occupation and the people who were there, amazing people, being there with their life, mashing the normality of a city of people who works and enjoys, people who protest and claim, people who are being taken apart from their culture and people who have left their culture for a better life, all that in one of the biggest island of all, a mini continent called Australia.

Some of the people I always remember and inspired me are: Brandon, meeting him gave me no limitation of what I can do or not, as he showed me that there are no limitation to a dedicated mind. Dave, Johan, a friend that taught me that life is simple, just do it and take it, step by step until you have reached your goals, then Sara, who i see as the heroine a movement needs, her with such life and risk, did what no one has done, at least no one in a political-activist environment i seen have done it, and it is to live freedom, freedom in a poisoned city of hopes and miracles. then Scot, you know he was right in his wrongdoings, well, I became part of the herd than to changed the situation, yet, who i was to do it as i was basically and observant who went far, very far, becoming part of the movement, a movement of people who occupied the central plaza of Melbourne, were everyone passes in order to move to some other place, so imagine.

another friend i miss is the guy who started this page, because he showed my the 'situationist' a movement I love and I am, even thou it is over, it is not. and her sister, but that's some strange 'situation' as i know her boyfriend who is a talented guerrilla freedom fighter, but he hurts her by being very chauvinistic about it, so i messed a little, yet, i did it because i thought that i haz to do it, once because i cared about her as i cared about his brother, and also because i liked her in a way, sorry for that but yea, i liked you, if you are reading this, and i liked you because of those 2 reasons and i am very statistic about every movement i do, i found that i would have heaven if i could manage to build a relationship, yet, i did nothing, as i always do.

and then came Sora, a lost children of all the occupation, just after i was leaving, i found her in the shadows of my demise and she gave me some shelter, by being there when i needed, not the case for her, as i think i wasn't there for her when she needed me.

and one other thing, Connie was almost right about everything, as she was also there to find a sanctuary, she saw the opposite.

so, i here in Miami, trying to make sense out of my life, as all those memories pile over, i find myself in deep shit, my own shit i am covered, and cant find the way to use it to produce energetic actions, not just randomly words with some structural feelings.

so, i am writing this just to remember those moments of life i had when i was experiencing life.

this is just an abstract as there are more and more people i have a story to tell, this are just the tip of the iceberg, so i would love to go to Maracaibo and call them and invite them to eat something and drink something as the same in Australia...

goodbye, and well, im still here, writing and reading...

Pensamiento 45

La responsabilidad del creer poder hacerlo y poco a poco hacerlo consume en la mente el tiempo que tiene para irlo haciendo. En vez, parece emprender un argumento inconcluso, pues la mente, como entidad abstracta del cerebro, simula escenarios, teoritizando resultados e imaginando eventos, mientras, existiendo en un punto en el mismo espacio, uno en movimiento, lleno de otro tipo de energias y especies, sean las mismas particulas de nuestra existencia como de nuestra destruccion, la mente, abstracta consume el cuerpo en el cual su pocision impone el pensar en esto y seguir en lo mismo, sea cual sea su fase.

la responsabilidad entonces es la materia que se transforma bajo la actividad de esta misma coneccion entre lo abstracto y lo vital, que es el centro de vuestra vida, en un vacio donde la gravedad une, divide o arrastra a otros a otros centro de gravedad, o de entidades y deidades distintas, o manejadas por uno mismo, que como satelite, como satelite de personas en un pais, reunidas en sociedades, adoptadas por el espacio ocupado, conectados por el nacimiento y su misma responsabilidad, hacen de nuestra comunion con el mas alla una eterna distraccion si al fin de los fines, los soles o galaxias dejan de palpitar.

Que como uno mismo, al desaparecer, desaparecemos, y todo lo construido sobre esta; sean seres inmortales o seres que atrapen con su misma existencia el nectar de esto que da vida, para sembrarle mas.

Pero que pasa? todavia no lo hemos hecho como para saber si se puede o no, y no tenemos la certeza de cuanto durara nuestra expancion bajo las sombras de quienes dependemos ahora mismo.

OCTAVO CAPITULO

Stupidity is evolution,
evolution of those who have survived,
those who have planned.